Not to be a Lady!

I was often told that I walk with my legs, a bit too apart, like a penguin. Wonder to call it normal, since so many people have pointed this out that at some point of time, I did think of myself having some defect or disorder.

You walk as if you are coming to hit someone, they would say.

And the ‘They’ include my friends, my colleagues and my mother who obviously has to take care of how I look, dress up, talk and walk! Even while I struggled painfully in the only heels I got for my graduation day, she persuaded me to buy more.

The people, who taught me dancing recently, said I had a ‘different’ style of dancing. I took ‘different’ as bad because I was the one who had to toil in my group.  Another dance group that I joined. went on to say that I need to get the feminism in my dance. Though I get to hear a lot from a lot many people, who want me to behave like a girl, dress up like one and carry the politeness of a lady, I try to feel indifferent towards it, when I hear it again and again.

I do envy the tucked in stomachs of my fellow dancer, achieved out of the regular dancing and intensive workout, but I would way that is not my style and I decided I prioritized food over anything else. Thus a little or no attention was my response to the stimuli, though I did work hard on my dance steps, trying to make them perfect. Body clinging shirts and tops, during the practice hours were mandatory, to catch the exact moves of the body and make your postures perfect. The second reason was to bring out the sensuality during the dance. Thus defying norms, I thought, I love loose superheroes shirts and I still wear them for practice.

A lot of time passed and one fine day my best friend’s roommate pointed it out saying you walk a little weirdly.

Spine straight and chest out, that was how she made me stand. No don’t thrust your chest out, straight spine would do it, she said articulating my posture and making me walk. Feet close to each other and walk straight she said, there! A little change and you look like a lady!

I am a female; I still think if walking in a way makes my gender get an extra oomph, if yes, do I necessarily need to do that? If yes again, then WHY?

Honestly saying, some of it did strike me in head for quite some time after this incident, because I never knew her roommate. A complete stranger pointing towards it, the day I met her was strange and bothersome.

I tried with the practice. I did get conscious, thinking what others might be thinking of me, watching me walk like a Yeti towards them. I was a female after all and knowingly or unknowingly we do get jitters if we don’t portray ourselves as good as up to our satisfaction in public.

But one of those days, I got tired of trying to be impeccable. So these days I just think a little less and walk more.

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