Not to be a Lady!

I was often told that I walk with my legs a bit too apart and in opposite directions even while walking normally. Wonder to call it normal, because so many people have pointed this out that at some point of time I did think of myself having some defect or disorder.

You walk as if you are coming to hit someone, they would say.

And the ‘They’ include my friends, my colleagues and even my mother who obviously has to take care of how I look, dress up, talk and walk! Even while I struggled painfully in the only heels I got for my graduation day, she persuaded me to buy more.

The people, who taught me dancing recently, said I had a ‘different’ style of dancing. I took different as bad because I was the one who had to work a lot harder in my group.  Another dance group that I joined went on to say I need to get the feminism in my dance. Though I get to hear a lot from my mom, who wants me to behave like a girl, dress up like one and carry the politeness of a lady, I again felt indifferent to it when I heard that again.

I envied their tucked in stomachs out of the dancing and working out, but not my style. I had my own. Thus a little or no attention was my response to it though I worked hard on my dancing steps, trying to make them perfect. Loose shirts and tops during the practice hours was told to be mandatory, to catch up exact moves of the body and make them perfect. I love superheroes shirts and I still buy them to wear for practice.

A lot of time passed and one fine day my best friend’s roommate pointed it out saying you walk a little weirdly.

Spine straight and chest out, that was how she made me stand. No don’t thrust your chest out, straight spine would do it, she said articulating my posture and making me walk. Feet close to each other and walk straight she said, there! A little change and you look like a lady!

Uff! I am a female; I still think if walking in a way makes my gender get an extra oomph, if yes, do I necessarily need to do that? If yes again, then WHY?

I tried with the practice honestly saying, I would get conscious, thinking what others might be thinking of me, watching me walk like a Yeti towards them. I was a female after all and knowingly or unknowingly we do get jitters if we don’t portray ourselves as good as up to our satisfaction in public.

But these days I just think a little less.

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